Write to Feel Right – Writing a Journal to Survive a Broken Family (Surviving a Broken Family Rule 3)
Journal therapy has been used by counselors to help their patients deal with traumatic and emotional experiences. In journaling, you write not just the events in your life but also your emotions and thoughts about these events. This activity allows you to consolidate your emotions, express yourself, acknowledge reality and it can be a source of encouragement as you move forward. If you have gone through the experience of your parents getting divorced, separated or having their marriage annulled, or any other emotionally draining episodes, writing a journal will help you deal with the frustrations and help you move forward.
Benefits of Writing a Journal
1. Writing Helps Consolidate Emotions
Have you ever been in a situation where you are at a loss for words? You don’t even know where to start when expressing yourself. Start writing.
When you are going through an intensely emotional experience, most of the time, you don’t even know what you want to say, or how you feel about things. By writing, you put down your thoughts into paper and it allows you to take a step back and see where you are from an outsider’s point of view.
There is a reason why the great speeches have to be written and drafted before they are delivered. That’s because you want to see the totality of the message you are delivering. When you write, you can see what and how are you feeling from all angles that matter to you. You can also identify areas where you have questions. As a result, you develop an understanding of what you really are feeling at that point in your life.
Tips for Writing:
2. Writing allows you to express your true self
You may be afraid of rejection once people know what you really are feeling. Your journal will not reject you. So you can be true to yourself.
One of the things that children feel when their parents separate is the feeling of being unwanted. Some ask, ‘If I had been a good girl, I think my dad would have stayed.’ But the reality is that it was not their fault. But that is still the message that they get.
So the kids become afraid of rejection and they end up hiding their true self. They wear masks. This becomes a habit and may reach a point where one no longer knows who he really is. You don’t need to wear a mask when you write a journal because there will not be a rejection.
You can be comfortable with what you write, even your darkest secrets. The fact is what you feel and who you are is real. The only thing you need to note is that this should not be the end. You have already lost something, so don’t lose yourself. Those who know and accept themselves are bound to find joy.
And I believe everyone is good. Everyone’s true self is good. And if you know where you are right now, it is easier to make resolutions to who you want to be in the future.
Tips for writing:
3. Writing reminds you of reality
Denial is part of the grieving phase and writing allows you to get out of the denial stage.
When you write things, you make a record of the events that really happened. As long as you write truthfully, it will be a good reminder of what has been lost. It helps show you the reality until you can accept it.
Another good reason to write is that you can also write the blessings and good events that come your way. This will remind you that it’s not all bad things that are happening around you. There are good things, too. And when you see the good things, it helps you see that the reality you face still contain joy despite the trials. When you see that good things still happen, won’t it be easier to get out of the denial stage? After all, something good awaits you so why spend more time feeling desolate?
Tips for writing:
4. Writing encourages you as you move forward
In the future, once you read about the worst times in your life, you will feel proud of yourself that you were able to pull through. It will also give you confidence to strive for a better future.
I have travelled down the memory lane through my journals. And it’s a great reminder how far I’ve come, and how I have been taken care of by God. When I see how I’ve triumphed in the past, it puts a smile on my face. I hope you’ll experience this, too.
Tips for writing:
I just want to emphasize that while I have been advocating writing as you feel, this is only part of the healing process. This serves as an aid. It helps you see reality but also helps you see that good things still happen in your lives. Use your journal as a reminder; let it help you move forward. But remember, you still need to make a decision where you want to go.
Learn more about writing to heal from the books below:
Do Not Self-Destruct
So, your parents are undergoing a divorce, or your parents are getting separated. Indeed, it's a tough life you have. And though you see that broken families are becoming a norm in our society, that fact does not negate the pain you are feeling. The truth hurts. (Ouch!)
I came from a broken family. My parents separated when I was eight; my father left my mom for her cousin. Many people who see me now are surprised that I came from a broken family. Who wouldn't be? I got my university degree from the National University of Singapore. I was a scholar since I was in fifth grade. I have a good job. I have good friends, and my mom was able to successfully support my two younger brothers and I. I have a lot to thank God for. And I have a lot to share to people whose life are like mine when I was an eight year old girl.
Yes, if you are a son or a daughter of a couple whose relationship is crumbling, this is for you. If you are a parent who has not thought about about your kid(s) during while contemplating separation, this is for you. If you are a parent who hopes that your kid(s) will eventually be able to cope up with the separation, this is for you, so you could see what they had to go through.
Just a disclaimer: My mom had been very good. I don't blame my mom or my dad for anything. I don't believe that parents separate with the intention of spiting their kids. It's just that my parent's union was never really right to begin with.
So here I start with Rule Number 1:
Do not self-destruct
By this time, you probably feel that the whole world is conniving to destroy your life. It must have been written in the stars for you to be miserable. You might be even wondering if this is a result of the e-mail chain that you broke, or a result of you breaking that mirror (ok, I'm kidding). But jokes aside, yes, I believe at this time, you probably think that Murphy's Law is absolute. Everyone, and everything, is out to destroy your fairy tale.
It might take a while, it might take a long time. But for sure, if you self-destruct, your healing will take a longer time. Because you're not only healing the wounds from your parents' separation, you'll also need to heal the wounds you've inflicted on yourself.
If you can't think of anything right now, just remember this: Don't self destruct!
I'll be writing the other rules I've followed to survive happily. So stay tuned and hang in there, my friend. The rainbows will come one day.