Surviving A Broken Family (Rule 1: Do Not Self-Destruct)

Do Not Self-Destruct
So, your parents are undergoing a divorce, or your parents are getting separated. Indeed, it's a tough life you have. And though you see that broken families are becoming a norm in our society, that fact does not negate the pain you are feeling. The truth hurts. (Ouch!)

I came from a broken family. My parents separated when I was eight; my father left my mom for her cousin. Many people who see me now are surprised that I came from a broken family. Who wouldn't be? I got my university degree from the National University of Singapore. I was a scholar since I was in fifth grade. I have a good job. I have good friends, and my mom was able to successfully support my two younger brothers and I. I have a lot to thank God for. And I have a lot to share to people whose life are like mine when I was an eight year old girl.

Yes, if you are a son or a daughter of a couple whose relationship is crumbling, this is for you. If you are a parent who has not thought about about your kid(s) during while contemplating separation, this is for you. If you are a parent who hopes that your kid(s) will eventually be able to cope up with the separation, this is for you, so you could see what they had to go through.

Just a disclaimer: My mom had been very good. I don't blame my mom or my dad for anything. I don't believe that parents separate with the intention of spiting their kids. It's just that my parent's union was never really right to begin with.

So here I start with Rule Number 1:

Do not self-destruct

By this time, you probably feel that the whole world is conniving to destroy your life. It must have been written in the stars for you to be miserable. You might be even wondering if this is a result of the e-mail chain that you broke, or a result of you breaking that mirror (ok, I'm kidding). But jokes aside, yes, I believe at this time, you probably think that Murphy's Law is absolute. Everyone, and everything, is out to destroy your fairy tale.

Well, I tell you, don't give them a hand.

Sure, a couple of beers to tide you through your emo moments will help. But don't make alcohol your water.

Maybe some retail therapy will help. You might want to buy that expensive pair of shoes you've been eyeing for a while (within the maximum budget you have, you can let Visa cover it if you can). And toss in a new hair cut, or hair color, too. But don't bankrupt yourself.

Think long term. Don't be a passive participant to what you think fate is cruelly dishing out to you. Fate favors the fighters. Be strong.

Don't fight with your parents. But instead, find ways to fight for your happiness - a happiness that is not dependent on your parents being together if you can't.

It might take a while, it might take a long time. But for sure, if you self-destruct, your healing will take a longer time. Because you're not only healing the wounds from your parents' separation, you'll also need to heal the wounds you've inflicted on yourself.


If you can't think of anything right now, just remember this: Don't self destruct!

I'll be writing the other rules I've followed to survive happily. So stay tuned and hang in there, my friend. The rainbows will come one day.