Write to Feel Right – Writing a Journal to Survive a Broken Family (Surviving a Broken Family Rule 3)

Journal therapy has been used by counselors to help their patients deal with traumatic and emotional experiences. In journaling, you write not just the events in your life but also your emotions and thoughts about these events. This activity allows you to consolidate your emotions, express yourself, acknowledge reality and it can be a source of encouragement as you move forward. If you have gone through the experience of your parents getting divorced, separated or having their marriage annulled, or any other emotionally draining episodes, writing a journal will help you deal with the frustrations and help you move forward.  

Writing has healing powers. It makes tangible the intangible emotions we feel. It brings into open the hurts we hide in our hearts – even if it is only for our eyes to see. It helps us acknowledge that what we experienced was real and not just a figment of our imagination. It allows us to physically express our pent-up anger. Writing a journal helps us cope with the traumatic and emotional events we undergo having come from a broken family.
 
When writing to heal, you should write not just about the events but also your thoughts and feelings at that point in time. Be true to those feelings and emotions, the idea is to have an outlet. This type of writing, according to studies, provides physical and psychological benefits. Dr. James Pennebaker noted that writing strengthens your immune system. Now who would have thought?
 
I have been writing for a long time and I am convinced that journaling has helped me cope with my parents’ separation. I have many notebooks of my journaling so I personally know what I’m talking about. So give journaling a try, and experience the benefits it brings.

My Journals from when I was 10 years old.

Benefits of Writing a Journal

1. Writing Helps Consolidate Emotions
​Have you ever been in a situation where you are at a loss for words? You don’t even know where to start when expressing yourself. Start writing.
 
When you are going through an intensely emotional experience, most of the time, you don’t even know what you want to say, or how you feel about things. By writing, you put down your thoughts into paper and it allows you to take a step back and see where you are from an outsider’s point of view.
 
There is a reason why the great speeches have to be written and drafted before they are delivered. That’s because you want to see the totality of the message you are delivering. When you write, you can see what and how are you feeling from all angles that matter to you. You can also identify areas where you have questions. As a result, you develop an understanding of what you really are feeling at that point in your life.
 
Tips for Writing:

• You can write sentences or just words. You don’t have to write in good prose. You can even do an emotion map.
• Write about your feelings and thoughts. Don’t just focus on the events. Your feelings and thoughts are as important as the events. People can go through similar situations but differentiating factors include one’s thoughts and emotions. So write them down.

2. Writing allows you to express your true self
​You may be afraid of rejection once people know what you really are feeling. Your journal will not reject you. So you can be true to yourself.
 
One of the things that children feel when their parents separate is the feeling of being unwanted. Some ask, ‘If I had been a good girl, I think my dad would have stayed.’ But the reality is that it was not their fault. But that is still the message that they get.
 
So the kids become afraid of rejection and they end up hiding their true self. They wear masks. This becomes a habit and may reach a point where one no longer knows who he really is. You don’t need to wear a mask when you write a journal because there will not be a rejection.
 
You can be comfortable with what you write, even your darkest secrets. The fact is what you feel and who you are is real. The only thing you need to note is that this should not be the end. You have already lost something, so don’t lose yourself. Those who know and accept themselves are bound to find joy.
 
And I believe everyone is good. Everyone’s true self is good. And if you know where you are right now, it is easier to make resolutions to who you want to be in the future.  
 
Tips for writing:

• Write true to how you feel. There is no need to hide.
• Write how you want to become a better person. If you are uncomfortable with what you are feeling, usually because you might feel that the feelings are so negative and you feel weighed down, write your resolutions.

3. Writing reminds you of reality
​Denial is part of the grieving phase and writing allows you to get out of the denial stage.
 
When you write things, you make a record of the events that really happened. As long as you write truthfully, it will be a good reminder of what has been lost. It helps show you the reality until you can accept it.
 
Another good reason to write is that you can also write the blessings and good events that come your way. This will remind you that it’s not all bad things that are happening around you. There are good things, too. And when you see the good things, it helps you see that the reality you face still contain joy despite the trials. When you see that good things still happen, won’t it be easier to get out of the denial stage? After all, something good awaits you so why spend more time feeling desolate?
 
Tips for writing:

• Write the events as they occur. Write even the most painful events, in this way, you can grasp your reality. You can no longer say it didn’t happen.
• Write good things, too. Make yourself look for at least three good things that happened. This will help you smile and help you feel optimistic. Your reality may be bad right now, but it won’t be devoid of something wonderful. And hold on to these beautiful moments because these beautiful moments will help pull you out of the denial stage.

4. Writing encourages you as you move forward
​In the future, once you read about the worst times in your life, you will feel proud of yourself that you were able to pull through. It will also give you confidence to strive for a better future.
 
I have travelled down the memory lane through my journals. And it’s a great reminder how far I’ve come, and how I have been taken care of by God. When I see how I’ve triumphed in the past, it puts a smile on my face. I hope you’ll experience this, too.
 
Tips for writing:

• When reading through your journals, go ahead and write over them, highlight or make comments on your past entries. Tell your current self how well you’ve done. Was there a moment you felt insurmountable yet you know right now that you have overcome it? I do it all the time. I put smileys and tick marks just to mark my victory.

I just want to emphasize that while I have been advocating writing as you feel, this is only part of the healing process. This serves as an aid. It helps you see reality but also helps you see that good things still happen in your lives. Use your journal as a reminder; let it help you move forward. But remember, you still need to make a decision where you want to go.

If you still do not know what to write, or you do not feel comfortable writing about yourself, then write a story that represents you. This has personally helped me. One of the stories that I have written, The Tree that Grew with Pain paints what I felt reflecting back on my growing years, and how I see myself moving forward.
 
Not everyone can paint, but I’m sure most of us can write a thousand words.
 

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