I’ve read many books on love and relationship and I have come to summarize them in five points.
The five Cs: Creed,Character, Committed, Chemistry, Cashflow.
I’m a firm believer that when a man and a woman decide to pursue their relationship, they should see to it that there core beliefs align with one another’s. There are things in people that they feel cannot be compromised. Superficial things may be changed. You can train yourself to squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom and not from the top but some things cannot be changed because they form the core of who you are.
For myself, that would be my faith in God. It is something that I won’t compromise. Many think that this is a negotiable factor but the truth is, faith, usually, is in the core of most people. So before you let yourself be lifted up in cloud nine, ask yourself if your fundamental creeds match.
The acid test for me on this one is whether I want little hims or hers running around and I believe that these little ones will make the world a better place one day. When your kids turn out like him or her, would you be a proud parent?
Habits are ingrained. And the children grow up mimicking their parents’ examples. Do you want to have your kids grow up acting like he does?
I certainly don’t want my kids to grow up without respect for any one, even the humblest of our brothers and sisters. I don’t want them cursing or addicted to porn. I want them to grow up with integrity and with charitable humanity. I want them to learn what being committed really means.
While I think committed can fall into character – because a person of character knows how to honor commitment – our society nowadays have not been highlighting examples of being committed so I think this deserves another point. You’ll want to be married to someone who will honor his/her promise to forever, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part. It’s easy to promise forever on better, health and richer but true commitment is seen when he/she sticks by his word during the worse times, the poorer times, and in sickness both of body and spirit.
Let’s face it. Nobody wants to be in a relationship where you just live with each other because both of you are committed. You want to be in a committed loving relationship.
I find it ironic that I have to write ‘committed loving relationship’. Before, loving also meant committed. In fact, loving used to be a more holistic word encompassing commitment and feelings but today, our society equates love to infatuation and the high you feel when you’re with someone. Now it feels like there are lots of disclaimers with one says ‘I love you.’
Back to the topic, you still need chemistry. I recognize that there will probably be less divorce in our world if people only learned that commitment should take precedence over what one wants because at the end of the day, we are made for giving to others more than we are made for taking. However, I still believe that marriage is much more enjoyable when you’re with your best friend. You guys need to click. Both of you should be able to laugh and cry and work well together.
If you look at periodic table, the noble gases are probably those called to singlehood. But as for the other elements, there are lots of choices with which to form a stable molecule with. And there are a lot more people in this world than there are elements in the periodic table so I’m sure chemistry should not be a problem.
Also, I think it helps to learn the five languages of love and that there are, indeed, differences between men and women. Like you needed to learn chemistry in school, you also need to learn how to handle chemistry in real life.
Learn about the 5 Languages of Love to help with Chemistry.
Read Rich Dad, Poor Dad to learn about Cashflow
Finances remain one of the pain points in marriage so this must be addressed even before you consider marrying the other person.
I’ve thought how this should be assessed. Should it be the amount of money the person makes? After reading several financial books, I think what matters is how he handles his finances. Marry a financially literate person. If you want to know what a financially literate person is like, read ‘Rich Dad, Poor Dad.’
Don’t marry a person who earns five digits but only keeps cents in his bank account. I may be exaggerating but there are lots of paupers dressed up in suits going around. They are not in a position to start a family. A financially literate person on the other hand, can weather financial crisis. And this this is the type of person you want to marry.
There you have it. Maintaining relationships is not really that complicated but it is demanding. If you're considering marriage, you should approach it with either a forever or a forNever mindset. No in-betweens.